Pretending
by jentrem99
Summary: Puck debates with himself when he realizes his feelings as he listens to Finn and Rachel preform "Pretending" in New York. Kind of a songfic. Mild T.


**Alright, so, this is kind of a song fic, but it really just takes place while a song is singing. I hope that you guys like this for this is my first offical Glee story for I've written some before but they were never good enough to post so... here we are.**

**This is dedicated to alindy, my idol/muse/amazing author/best friend! She did me a major favor making her my favorite person in existance right now. So, here you are Annie! I love you!**

**And, by the way, I don't normally write or ship Puckleberry, but alindy loves them so I'm putting my Finchel side away for a moment to try to capture Puck/Rachel correctly. So, I'm requesting some slack for this because I'm not very confident in it.**

**Oh! And, finally, I canged my penname to jentrem99. It was that about a year ago when I first started on FF so I decided to just go back to it for various reasons that I won't bore you with...**

**Soooooooo... yeah! Thanks!**

* * *

><p><em>Face to face and heart to heart<br>We're so close, yet so far apart  
>I close my eyes I look away<br>That's just because I'm not okay_

Noah Puckerman watched his best friend and ex-girlfriend sing together in perfect harmony with confusion. For some reason he didn't like the way Finn was looking at Rachel, and he didn't like how she was looking at him in return even more. He couldn't figure out why it bugged him so much. It was just that whenever the two relationship challenged teens sang together it seemed so effortless, something that Puck wished he had with someone. He often found himself wishing that it had worked out with Quinn. It wasn't so much of the fact that he loved her; it was just their circumstance that made him want more. They had a beautiful baby girl together who would keep them linked together for life, no matter what. It just would have been easier on the both of them if they had been able to work things out.

_But I hold on, I stay strong  
>Wondering if we still belong <em>

Puck never truly loved a girl once in his life. For a while he thought that he loved Quinn, but it was more so that he loved who was growing inside of her. Beth was the only person who he ever had immensely strong feelings for, other than his mother and little sister, of course. His love for his daughter knew no bounds, and it grew even more when he found out he couldn't keep her. He couldn't hold her every night or kiss her soft, tiny face whenever he leaves her for the day, and it killed him. He hated the pain that came with losing his child. He dreamt of falling asleep with her in his arms each night.

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling  
>Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls<br>Will we ever have a happy ending  
>Or will we forever only be pretending<br>will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always__be pretending_

Puck figured out a few months into his junior year that he needed to feed his feelings into someone new. So he settled for Lauren Zizes whom he soon figured out was a terrible choice. She was pushy, rude, and she pretty much wore the pants in the relationship, which pissed him off considerably. But suddenly he felt even more fed up than usual, and he talked to Rachel about Lauren and she kind of helped him decide to break it off with her, and since he did he couldn't stop thinking about how nice and caring Rachel was about it and to him.

_How long do I fantasize  
>Make believe that it's still alive<br>Imagine that I am good enough  
>And we can choose the ones we love<em>

When he saw her sing Finn's song, he became frustrated for unclear reasons. Puck knew that things didn't work out with Rachel and he knew why. They just didn't fit together very well and he got over their breakup quicker than usual, but he lied to her when he said that he was going to break up if she hadn't. He may have had feelings for Quinn at the time but he had different kinds of feelings for Rachel than her. With Rachel they could just talk for hours and never bore of it. Sure, he found her incessant babbling tiring and annoying, but once he got passed that he found that he really liked her personality, and she always listened to what he had to say.

_But I hold on, I stay strong  
>Wondering if we still belong<em>

He wasn't crushed when she broke up with him, come on, it was just Rachel, but it didn't feel right when he would spend his nights alone at home, having no one to talk to. Then came Jesse St. James, the douche who broke Rachel's time and time again and just came back for more. He hated that she was so defenseless to him. Pick just wished that she could hold her own when it came to Jesse. And when he saw her sing with Finn, his heart pounded faster than ever and his head filled with dirty and cruel thoughts about Finn. It took him a while to decipher his strange feelings until he heard the chorus sung again:

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling  
>Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls<br>Will we ever have a happy ending  
>Or will we forever only be pretending<br>will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always__be_

Pretending. That word hit him hard. That's what he'd been doing his entire life. Pretending. He pretended to not care when his father dumped him and his family. He pretended to not care that Finn got Quinn when the baby was truly his. He pretended, or at least tried his hardest, to not care when he gave Beth away. He pretended to not care when Rachel unexpectedly hurt him with her breakup. He pretended to still be into Lauren long after that phase was finished. Finally, he pretended to not have feelings for his best friend's girlfriend. Again. He just couldn't hurt Finn that way for a third time. Puck had to just let him have this girl, as much as it hurt him. The realization was so sudden that he felt the urge to turn off the music and announce his feelings, which he knew he obviously couldn't do. He simply sighed as the song continued.

_Keeping secrets safe  
>Every move we make<br>Seems like no one's letting go  
>And it's such a shame<br>Cause if you feel the same  
>How am I supposed to know<em>

That song hit his situation right on the nose. But Rachel wasn't singing about him. No, she was singing about her off and on boyfriend who couldn't make up his mind even if his life depended on it. The indifferent bastard kept two amazing girls waiting at his feet just to know whether he had any feelings for them or not. Puck, on the other hand, was straight foreword when it came to his feelings on relationship. Most of the time at least. _Keeping secrets safe. _That's exactly how he felt about his straight. _Cause if you feel the same, how am I supposed to know._ How _was_ he supposed to know without hurting Finn again? Puck's mind was buzzing by the end of the song.

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling  
>Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls<br>Will we ever have a happy ending  
>Or will we forever only be pretending<br>will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always__be (pretending)  
>will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always<em>_be (pretending)  
>will we a-a-a-always a-a-a-always a-a-a-always<em>_be pretending_

It was one thing to have to sway in the background and watch them sing together with annoying, confusing, passionate expressions, but it was a whole other thing to have to watch Finn aggressively grab Rachel's face and kiss her in an ungraceful way immediately after the song finished. Puck closed his eyes and turned away. After having just recently realizing his feelings for her, he was shocked at how strong they were. He realized how long they had been building up, and he swore to himself that he wouldn't let this pain go any further. He would either force himself to get over his feelings or confess and face the consequences. He would just have to wait and see which plan he was willing to act upon.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, okay, how was it? Was it terrible? Right now I would like some feedback more than ever because I'm really not sure if this is good or not. I have confidence issues when it comes to writing Puckleberry. :) (I openly accept crtisism, as well. Trust me, I would love to know what I shouldshouldn't change.)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**I LOVE YOU, ALINDY!**

**Gooooodbyeeee!**

**jentrem99**


End file.
